Boyslut Review: My Dick Got Worshipped at Two Swiss Saunas by Countless Hungry Mouths and Holes
Gay men in Switzerland are not fucking around. Lucky for them, neither is The Boyslut.
As a man who enjoys tasting local cuisine, I make sure to attend a gay sauna in every country I visit. If they don’t have one, I go to a strip club or some other sexy establishment, but most places in the world—even homophobic ones—have a cruising ground for gay and bisexual men to shoot loads.
On my recent trip to Zurich, I visited two gay saunas—Mustache Sauna and Gay Sauna Renox Relax—both within walking distance of one another. Now in my Men’s Health essay—a first-hand, humorous account of how surprisingly gay Switzerland is—I couldn’t share explicit details of what happened at these two establishments. Fortunately, we have the boyslut zine where I can get graphic.
In addition to sharing how my dick repeatedly pulsed the multiple times I shot my load, I will also review these two fine queer-owned businesses. Welcome to the first piece in what will become an ongoing series: Boyslut Reviews.
Moustache currently has 4.0 stars and 112 Google Reviews, which is not bad considering people are pretty intense when they write reviews of gay saunas. I mean, people are pretty intense when writing reviews in general—but let’s say you don’t get laid at a sauna, or one creepy guy is extra aggressive, or the hot tub is only lukewarm—men are quick to write, “THIS IS THE WORST GAY SAUNA EVER. IT WAS SO BAD IT TURNED ME STRAIGHT.”
Reading through the reviews, I got the vibe that Moustache had “younger” men of the two, but it wasn’t as upscale. Fine, who cares? I was just trying to get my dick wet.
It was 42 Swiss Francs to enter (roughly 46 USD), which wasn’t cheap. (Luckily, there was some top-shelf bussy, which made it worth it.) I walked around, and I’d say the medium age was about 45, though some men were in their twenties and thirties.
Frankly, I don’t care about age as long as you got a big, juicy ass, so that’s what I was looking for. And Moustache did not disappoint. There was a tall man, who I learned later was Spanish—Switzerland is very international—and a crossfitter, which explained why he had more abs on him than is possibly human. He was cute with his Harry Potter glasses and scruffy black beard.
I saw him just as he got out of the Jacuzzi, and he made serious eye contact with me while stroking his uncut cock. I think I went cross-eyed checking him out—one eye looking at his face while the other stared at his thick sausage.
I removed my towel around my waist—showing him what I was working with—and draped the towel over my shoulder. Then, I walked into the sauna, and he followed suit.
He sat down next to me, naked and erect. I was already sitting, also naked and erect. We both attempted to go down on the other but bumped our heads. I was the cordial one, “Go ahead.”
He got on his knees and started stroking me. “Such a hard dick,” he said in a thick Spanish accent. He then swirled his tongue on my head. “I love this dick,” he continued. I nodded. He took all of me in his mouth and popped up for a breath. “I need this dick.”
I couldn’t help but think, Bitch, this dick is all yours. What more do you want me to do?
He then throated himself all the way down to my balls. I didn’t have to do anything. (That is HUSBAND material right there.)
I pulled him up from my cock and told him to come with me. His dick-worshipping energy would make me cum way too quickly, and I wanted to fuck that muscle butt of his. I escorted him to one of the many private rooms where you could shut the door. (Each room contained a gymnastics mat, a bowl of condoms, and a lube dispenser.)
He bent over so I could fuck him in doggy. Unexpectedly, his little muscle booty was tight—really tight. I couldn’t fit, no matter how much lube I spurted onto my cock.
“Do you want to get on top of me?” I asked.
“No,” he said. He then reached around, grabbed my cock, and shoved it inside of him. I saw him grimace, and it looked painful, which turned me on. I did not go gently because he clearly did not want me to be gentle. I plowed, and when I tried to stop or switch positions, he shouted, “Keep going!”
I fucked him hard and deep until my sides were splitting. “You got about thirty seconds until I get a cramp,” I told him.
“I’ll cum now,” he replied.
He vigorously jerked himself off and shot onto the mat as I continued forcefully thrusting.
When he finished cumming, he asked if I wanted to finish. I told him I was good. I did not want to cum. This was my first fuck in the first sauna of the evening. I couldn’t blow my load just yet.
We kissed goodbye, and I headed to wash off. It was one of those showers where you have to press the “on” button repeatedly. I hate that, but for some reason, every gay sauna I’ve been to has these showers. Perhaps it’s to conserve water?
After washing off, I napped for thirty minutes naked on one of the lounge chairs. I then had a beer at the bar. Then I went to the steam room, whipped out my dick, and let whoever wanted to blow me. (I think, like, four guys did). Then a young man in his early twenties came over with a booty so large that when he turned to the side, my jaw dropped. I quickly lifted it off the floor because someone would have stuck their penis in my mouth if I had kept it there any longer.
I asked if he wanted to go to a private room, and he nodded. One of the more aggressive men trying to stick his penis in my mouth followed us, but I told him it would just be the two of us. I’m not sure if he spoke English, but my slamming the door in his face made my point clear. The big-bootied boy assumed the position: Face-down, ass up. A bottom with an ass that massive knows what the tops want. I think I gave seven pumps before I came—and my god, there was so much cum. I just kept shooting and shooting. Spurt after spurt. When I pulled out, cum squirted out of his hole.
“Push out the rest,” I said. I spread his cheeks, and he beefed (butt queefed) out the rest of my cum.
While beefing out my load, he started to quiver and shot all over the mat.
Once he finished shooting, he fingered his hole. “Goddamn,” he said. “I still have cum inside me.”
“Your ass did that,” I said. (It was the truth. A monster ass—and no ass is too big, fat, or juicy for me—will make me shoot an inhuman amount of cum.)
With that, I was ready to go to the Gay Sauna Renox Relax, which has 4.3 stars and 56 reviews on Google. This sauna also cost 42 Swiss Francs, but it was indeed swankier. I mean, the door to the sauna and steam room had large, gold penis handles. It also had a room with a swing and porn playing. All the usual stuff, but the venue was nicer than Moustache. Indeed, the clientele was older; I’d say the medium age was closer to 60.
I didn’t waste any time there. I opened the door with gold penis handles and entered the steam room, which was a bit of a blind maze. Through the steam, I could make out two giant globes in the corner. I walked and placed my hand on one of his ass cheeks. He dropped to his knees to start sucking me, but I told him to get up. I wanted to finger his hole while he blew me and couldn’t while he was on his knees.
He got up and bent over to blow me. In hindsight, that was probably rude of me. He was an older gentleman who was undoubtedly straining his neck and lower back from this position. But I wanted to finger his nice ass! What can I say?
When he stuck a finger in my hole, I got distracted. He used this opportunity to sit on the bench. I placed one foot on the bench next to him, so I could really go to town on his throat. He started gagging, and I held his head at the base of my cock. No mercy. As he was coughing up spit, he inserted a second finger into my behind. (Very impressed with his multi-tasking abilities, TBH).
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to BOYSLUT to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.