Gratitoads, CBD Anal Lube, and Bussies
BOYSLUT ISSUE 36: It’s been a year since the first lockdown, and I have thoughts! Also, lube and bussies because these are a few of my favorite things!
It’s been one year since everything shut down in New York. A year of tragedy, loss, anxiety, depression, anger, and so much more. I could go on about how the last year was one of the worst years in modern history, but you know this. I know this. We all know this. We’re all doing what we can to stay afloat, and we’re just trying our best here.
Instead, I’m going to try something I’ve never purposefully practiced: Gratitude. TBH, I’m always a little skeptical of new-age, positivity practices. I’m more of a guy who’s like, please just give me meds and let me go back to living my life. But after this year, I need all the help and support I can get. Have I been rewatching the latest season of Big Mouth? Yes. Is this inspired by the Gratitoad? 100%. Should I be taking mental wellness practices from adult cartoons about pre-teens masturbating? Probably not, but here we go!
Here are a few things I’m grateful for. (Don’t worry, I incorporated some sexy elements too!)
1. My Friends
I know this is a cliche, but my God, I’m pretty sure I have some of the best friends in the world. (And not just the ones I have sex with!) I’m lucky to have friends from every stage of my life. I still have my besties from elementary school. (This is a photo of us playing outside back when we were four-years-old).
I have besties from Vassar. My close friends from my four-year stint in Boston after college when I thought I would get a Ph.D. in clinical psychology (LOL). Then, my New York friends—my poly, queer, bi community who support the living shit out of me. I even made some new friends during the pandemic. How wild is that? I can’t tell you how much I appreciate y’all. You’re there for me at a moment’s notice. I just hope you feel as comfortable leaning on me as I do you.
2. Masturbation
I sometimes forget how great masturbating is. I don’t know how I forget. I did some cursory math and can say I’ve masturbated well over 3,000 times in my life. But after I’ve had a good ol’ masturbation session where I bust all over my chest hair—maybe I had a vibrating prostate massager in my booty—I wonder why I need men, women, and nonbinary babes? Between hentai, VPMs, and weighted blankets, I could never talk to another living human again.
Alright, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. God knows I fucking love sex and the touch of another human, but let’s not underestimate the power of masturbation! At least for me, jerkin’ it is so damn calming. It allows me to get out of my head and stop some cyclical, anxious patterns of thought.
3. Cannabis
Can I first say I miss having my queer cannabis column at Civilized? That was such an incredible opportunity to explore the intersection between cannabis and queer identity—and I wrote some pieces I’m really proud of. (Like this one below!)
Puff Puff YASS: On 4/20 I Got High and Went to a Passover Sex Party
My brain is running a mile a minute at all times. It’s why I can’t sleep without medication. (As a teenager, I remember talking to my pediatrician, saying, “I don’t get it. How do you just stop thinking? Your brain is always thinking. That’s what it does. So how does sleep even exist?” He was like, “Yeah… I typically don’t prescribe Ambien to someone your age, but let me go ahead and find my prescription pad.)
Cannabis not only helps me sleep, but it also helps calm my nerves. It gives my mind a break from stressing over God knows what—and instead, I think what type of robot I’d be on Futurama. Fembot? Bending Unit? The Donbot? I mean, I’m 100% Hedonismbot. Not a joke, just a fact.
And cannabis and masturbation? That’s when I shoot loads across the room. To the point where it shoots past me and hits my bed frame, which I now realize needs to be professionally cleaned.
4. Therapy
Honestly, I should have put this first on the list. Therapy has been a godsend these past few months. I don’t know where I’d be without it. I wish I could have therapy every day, but alas, I’d go broke. Simply having an expert say, “Everything will be okay,” is so comforting.
Now I know how difficult it is to find a therapist that accepts your insurance and is adept at addressing queer/ENM/BDSM issues, but shit, it’s worth it to put in the work to find a therapist you trust.
I want to recommend three sources. First, if you live anywhere in the United States, you can use Psychology Today’s tool. You plug in your zip code, and then you can filter by a therapist who works with gay/lesbian/bisexual people. If you live in NY, I’d recommend going through either Lighthouse LGBT—that’s how I found my therapist now—or Manhattan Alternative. These two patient-matching services are specifically-designed for queer (and kinky) folks!
Of course, there are more things I’m grateful for, like my family, but this week’s newsletter is veering into my journal, and I wanna keep it sexy, so let’s keep moving along!
New Lube Alert: HOWL
I get lubes sent to me all the time. (I know, my life is so glamorous.) I actually turn down most new companies that want to send me lube because I already have so much of it. I did, however, accept a bottle from HOWL. The reason being, it was marketed as UK’s first anal CBD lube. I then came to learn they’re a queer-founded, sex-positive brand and have partnered with UK Black Pride donating 50p of every bottle sold to the charity.
How could I not support? So I tried it out, and we stan! Their lube has a silky smooth texture which I love in my hairy hole. (Just a reminder, CBD has to be absorbed through mucous membranes meaning that it’s not going to do anything if you’re jacking off and just putting it on your penis. This shit feels good for the bottom when getting plowed. So, I don’t use it when I’m masturbating. I use it when getting ripped open wide, baby!)
Long story short, I said I wanted to work with them in some capacity, and now we are! (Manifesting shit!) They gave me a discount code, BOYSLUT30, which will give ya 30% off all products. So go wild while supporting the queers! (HOWL’s website!)
Two New Sexplain Its!
Okay, this first one is a goddamn gem. A GEM. There were so many elements of gay culture in this one, I gay gasped. From calling his 35-year-old boyfriend “Daddy,” to celebrating their three-month anniversary, to being obsessed with the word “bussy.” This one was FUN to write.
Sexplain It: I Can't Stop Saying 'Bussy' During Sex, but My Boyfriend Hates It
This next one, I’ll admit, is less sexy, but considering how many of us struggle to fall asleep without masturbating/sex, I still decided to pick this question for Sexplain It. I think there’s a lot of useful information here for folks who find sleep elusive.
Sexplain It: I Can't Fall Asleep Unless I Have Sex, and My Girlfriend Has Had Enough
(FYI: I know that all Sexplain Its are now exclusively for MVP, meaning there’s a paywall. There’s nothing I can do about it! But know it’s only $1.99 a month for MVP membership, and it keeps me employed!)
Last but not least, I have some BIGGGG work news I can’t share yet. It’s on quite the time crunch, so I might have to take a little break from this newsletter—but I promise you, it is worth it! (It’ll be something y’all can hold onto and enjoy!)
Your Boyslut,
Zachary Zane