I Sucked Five D*cks in a Cave on a Naked Gay Island Before Breeding a Twink's Hole at Nude Pool Party
I'm FINALLY starting to understand why gays are obsessed with Puerto Vallarta.
Original illustration by Brendan Haley (@haleydoodledo)
Throughout my week in Puerta Vallarta, I kept hearing whispers about a private island, only accessible by boat, where all the hot gay boys get tipsy, strip naked, and fuck in a cave. Since I thoroughly enjoy attractive naked men and public sex, this seemed right up my alley. So, on my last day in PV, I booked Jet’s Naked Beach Tour and headed there alone, hoping to get my knees sandy while tasting some salty peen.
As I waited in line to hop on the boat, which would take us to our private gay island, I spotted a man impossible to miss. Harlan stood a little over 6 feet tall and, if I had to guess, was roughly 220 pounds. He was a beast of a man. Every last inch of him was covered in hair, and as I write this, I realize he looked like Gaston, which explains why I would have happily pushed a child in front of a moving car just to suck one (1!) of his testicles for three (3!) seconds.
Without a doubt, he’s a porn star, I thought. Or, at the very least, he has an OnlyFans. Because you can’t look like him—a man whose biceps have biceps of their own—and not get naked in front of a camera. You just can’t. When you’re that massive and sexy, you must share your beauty with the world. Not doing so is selfish. Yes, I believe being attractive and not having an OnlyFans is selfish. (I know I’m setting myself for “So, where’s your Onlyfans, you selfish twat,” and ya know what? It mayyyy be coming sooner than you think.)
On the boat, Harlan and I got to talking, and I learned he wasn’t just catnip for twinks with daddy issues; he also had a sense of humor. Bitch was cracking one-liners nonstop. And while also having a day job, he did, upon trusting me, reveal that he does have an OnlyFans (NSFW). I almost screamed, “I fucking knew it,” but honestly, I was too focused on the heavy bulge that was semi-visible through his mesh trunks. (Oh, and here’s Harlan’s Twitter [NSFW]. Lord, have mercy on us all.)
When we got to the isle, which reminded me of Skull Island—home to yet another sexy beast—we spotted an umbrella in the sand right next to the cave. Harlan suggested we hunker down there to see which boys were entering and if we’d like to join them. I was like, “Damn, I like the way this man thinks.”
Boyslut’s video of Naked Gay Boy Island before disembarking from the boat
We laid our towels down, and I took off my trunks. Then Harlan took off his, and it just wasn’t fair. How? HOW was his dick that pretty? How did its size match the rest of his gigantic frame? And while he was cut, he still had some foreskin. I didn’t understand. It was a marvel attached to yet another marvel. Do you know how much restraint I showed by not dropping to my knees in front of everyone? There were some rocks next to the water that I could have easily thrown myself on, propping my ass up so he could harpoon his rod directly into my hole.
But No0o0o0o0o. I had to be “respectful” and not a “shameless, thirsty, desperate pervert.” So, instead, I merely watched as he lathered his body in sunscreen while wishing I was the white gooey substance he was applying between his cheeks.
As the afternoon progressed and the palomas kicked in, I no longer wanted to be respectful. I wanted to be disrespectful or, rather, disrespected with his thick sausage down my throat.
Daddy Harlan and Boyslut
Luckily, Harlan was getting thirsty, too, so when I asked if we should find some other boys to join us in the cave, he was on board.
Two boys from Guadalajara, Pedro and Luis, were only a few umbrellas down. Pedro sat on his stomach, his ass in the air like two circular mounds. Louis lay on his back, his dick carelessly slung across his left thigh. Both bearded with classic dark features, bushy eyebrows, and brown eyes—they were the pick of the litter.
When they headed into the water to cool off, Harlan and I joined. We asked the regular questions: Where are you from? How long are you in PV? How long have you been together?
They answered dryly, though not unfriendly. I couldn’t for the life of me read whether they were interested. They were two (sexy) stonewalls, giving me nothing, yet they kept conversing, which seemed like a good sign.
We went to grab our Palomas by the umbrella, where I told Harlan I was going to go for it. He, like me, wasn’t sure if they were into us, but fuck it, I had nothing to lose.
“Would you boys want to check out the cave with Harlan and me?”
They paused and looked at each other. “Okay,” they said in unison.
Alrighty then.
In our birthday suits, the four of us turned the corner, past the rocks where the waves crashed, and the tide sucked you in. We saw a sign that read “Cueva de Amor” (Cave of Love) and waded inside until we reached the sand. Alas, the cave was not cavernous, but there was enough space for us to fit and stand comfortably. One bright light shone through a large crack in the ceiling, illuminating the three men before me.
In a circle, we began kissing each other while letting our hands roam freely. I fingered Pedro’s hairy behind, dusted in some sand, while stroking Luis’ cock. Luis stroked Harlan’s dick while Harlan stroked Pedro’s cock. It was the most proper circle Jerk I had ever participated in.
We continued kissing and stroking. My cheeks were getting rubbed, and a finger slipped into my hole. Who was doing it? Unclear. I reached across and grabbed Harlan’s broad chest and pinched his pointy nipples. If only my closeted 8-year-old self could see me now. I was obsessed with Gaston as a kid; I didn’t even recognize him as the villain. I just liked how he lifted three women on a bench with one arm while flexing his other.
And there I was, across from a real-life Gaston AND two handsome boys—all of whom now had fully erect dicks.
At long last, it was my time to shine. I dropped to my knees in the wet sand and put Harlan in my mouth while I jerked off the other two boys. A chorus of moans echoed in the cave as the water crashed into my thighs before receding to the sea. Lips smacked each other above me as I focused on the dicks below. I was in Cock Goblin Mode. Every suck was getting me harder and harder. And when Luis pushed my head down to swallow Harlan whole? I nearly died from joy right then and there.
I needed to share the love and started sucking both Luis’ and Pedro’s dicks, switching back and forth before I put both in my mouth while I fondled their testicles. Another wave crashed down on my legs. I hardened my core so I wouldn’t fall over.
Then I went back to Daddy’s dick. And this is when we turned Skull Island into Skull Fuck Island. He grabbed the back of my throat and held me down on his cock, and thrusted nice and deep. I gagged and choked until I spat something up. I spat it in the ocean water and kept going. Sucking and sucking. He pummeled and said, “Yeah, that’s a good boy.”
“Yes, Daddy,” I managed to say the few times I came up for air. Even though I was loving every inch of Daddy’s fat cock, I needed a break in the form of a slightly smaller dick. I turned around and started sucking the two dicks. I was confused because they were not smaller. I looked up to see they were two different men. Luis and Pedro had been replaced.
I turned to Harlan. “Yeah, they left, but we got newcomers.”
“More cock for me,” I said. I didn’t get the break I wanted, but goddamn, there was no way I was going to stop. Until I had to. Even in the cool, shaded cave with the water splashing on me, I was sweating hotter than a whore in church. I needed a break.
“I’m going to head back,” I said. I needed another drink, knowing that the day was far from over. (For more cave shenanigans, check out Jet’s personal OnlyFans page at @jetsonly NSFW).
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