It Took Squirting in Front of an Audience to Overcome My Sexual Shame

I came repeatedly, but the orgasms weren’t even the best part.

The tresses of Bridgette’s flogger trailed across my back, then stung against my thighs. “You’re going to need to be louder,” they whispered in my ear as they nipped at my neck with their teeth. Their fingers, now firmly inside me, moved faster and harder, hitting my G-spot just right. I began to writhe, and my moans reached a fever pitch as I came, squirting all over the dining room floor. An audience was watching, listening to me scream, and I loved it. 

This was the moment I realized how exhibitionism was part of my healing from shame. Within the Christian cult I grew up in, bodies were inherently sinful and meant to be hidden. Sex was for heterosexual married people. It was for procreation—a duty—not for pleasure. 

I grew up wearing dresses down to my toes, as pants—or rather—how one’s ass looked in pants, were deemed too revealing to the Lord or any nearby man. I grew up afraid of my body and the power it held. I feared I’d cause a man to stumble and lust after me without any provocation. I was ashamed of my curves and my sexual desire and pushed them down for many years. 

This was my first official play party. One of my partners, Malcolm, was throwing this lavish affair at the home he shared with his wife. I arrived early, bringing my other partner Bridgette—the one with the flogger and ability to make me violently cum.

As people crowded into the space, I grew warm. So I slipped away from the people enjoying the cheese spread to strip my clothes off, revealing my favorite lingerie set with a phoenix embroidered across my tits. In the process of my emotional healing from purity culture and its cancer of shame, the symbolism of a phoenix rising from ashes began to hold significance for me. I was someone held back by Christianity and the patriarchy. Repressed as a woman. Demonized for my sexuality. But I was beginning to burn those long-held beliefs down and starting to burst forth as someone wild, beautiful, and free. Unashamed and unafraid. 

Bridgette snuck in behind me, trailing their fingers across my waist and kissing me before they stepped out of their pants, revealing a stunning red teddy and floral lace stockings. Bridgette’s blue eyes glittered as they revealed they had brought the flogger I had gifted them. 

I took their hand, and we eagerly joined the growing crowd, sensual tension thick in the air and rising by the moment. I introduced Bridgette to another play partner, Caspian, and his person, Astrid. I knew we’d all be getting to know each other much better by the end of the evening.

We all converged in the living room, where the floor was piled with pillows. Nearby, candelabras shimmered. The carpet felt lush under my feet as I sat beside Bridgette and stroked their inner thigh. The air thrummed with anticipation as Malcolm gave a gallant welcome to everyone. We all sat and listened as tits strained against bodices and cocks ached to be released from their confines. I was dying to see what (and who) would come.

After the introduction, Caspian found me and asked if I’d join him. He led Astrid and me to the living room and carefully collared us both. I unbuttoned Caspian’s shirt, his skin warm against my fingertips. I was hungry to touch more of him, but he batted my hands away.

“Kneel,” he said and brought Astrid and me to our knees. 

I wrapped my lips around his throbbing fullness and choked as he guided his dick deeper into my throat. I gagged and spat as I devoured him, using my hands and mouth to please him. My pussy ached to be filled and began dripping with lust. Astrid and I took turns sucking his cock together—one of us gagged while the other licked and caressed his balls. Then we’d switch. Our sloppy noises rose above the din of the still-chatting people, and slowly the sounds around us changed; quiet moans and squeals grew to a loud roar. 

Our fiery play began to grab quite the audience, and people piled on the couch next to us. Firm fingers on my arm pulled my attention to a bearded lumberjack of a man. “Can I touch you?” he asked. His voice was low and gravelly. I nodded, and immediately, his hands were exploring my tits as a woman rode his thick cock. 

Fucking was happening everywhere. At one point, a knife play scene spread across the living room. I watched, mouth agape. Puppies were put in cages, asses were beaten, and cocks were voraciously drained in the dining room.