An Ode to Spin the Bottle: Where Closeted Boys Can Kiss Boys

BOSLUT ISSUE 38: When I was questioning my sexuality, spin the bottle gave me the opportunity to be sexual with other guys in a judgement-free space.

I first played spin the bottle my freshman year of college. My a capella group was infamous for having these allegedly wild spin the bottle parties. When I learned this, I was pretty confused. I thought spin the bottle was a game for 13 year-olds who’ve never kissed before. I didn’t think it was something people in their late teens and early twenties did. It all sounded so wholesome, especially since everyone was fucking like jackrabbits in college. (Alright, not everyone, but I sure was.)   

It turns out it was not wholesome. Making out can get hella hot and naughty when your hands are all up on each other. But that wasn’t even why I liked it, and if it had to bet, it wasn’t why a few other group members liked it either. 

Spin the bottle was an opportunity to kiss people of the same gender in a socially acceptable manner. Not just acceptable, but demanded. You were lame AF if you were that guy who refused to kiss another guy. Don’t you “No homo” me! Yes homo! That’s the whole fucking point! (Luckily, we had none of these guys in our group. This was Vassar, after all.) 

Now since I’m talking from my own experience, I specify boys, but this was great for all closeted folks questioning and exploring their queer identity, regardless of gender. Nevertheless, I do think it’s something special for closeted and questioning queer men since it is less socially acceptable for men to experiment with other men in a public setting (whereas women kissing other women is more socially acceptable albeit fetishized). 

It was also a novel experience for me to have women say, “Damn, that’s so hot seeing you kiss him.” (I fucking love it when women fetishize my bisexuality. When so many women refuse to date me because I’m bisexual, I’m overjoyed when a woman wants to date me specifically for sexuality. Not to mention the impending MMFs…)  

(Big Mouth’s “Smooch or Share” where Jay kisses Matthew.)

Alas, here’s where I have to apologize. I was hoping I could tell the story of my first time playing spin the bottle instead of talking about it, but the truth is I was hammered, and the night is a blur.  

But here’s what I do remember—how every part of my body went hot when the bottle landed on another guy. How I pretended to be nonchalant about it, but inside, I was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. The failed suppression of desire. The fear of enjoying it too much and what that would mean. The fear that other people would see I was enjoying it too much, and the rumors that would ensue. The combination of lust and worry was visceral and overwhelming. 

It was incredible. 

For three and a half years, I played spin the bottle with my a capella group, and looking back on it, I know these experiences helped me reach the point where I could embrace my attraction to all genders. The fact that I was able to kiss a dozen different men repeatedly helped me realize that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to do something more than just kiss. Maybe these kisses weren’t devoid of meaning. Maybe I could love a man. 

So thank you, Spin The Bottle. You helped me, and other little queers like me, in more ways than you can possibly imagine. 

Your Boyslut,

Zachary Zane