I Shouted 'F*ck My Flat, Hairy Hole' During an Extremely Gay Threesome
You can only say absurdities like this when boning your besties.
NSFW illustration below!
I love having sex with friends. I fucking love it. And I’m not just talking about friends with benefits. I mean real friends. Guys, girls, and nonbinary babes I’ve known for years. Friends that I confided in when I first had sex with a man. Friends I cried to when I learned my grandpa passed. Friends I would call if I needed help dumping a body in the Hudson. My ride-or-die bitches.
Every time we hang out, we don’t have sex. In fact, most times, we don’t. But with others, we’re more inclined to. A threesome after a night of dancing? Absolutely. At an orgy? 100%. Outside in a Fire Island hot tub with a slew of other beefcakes? Yes, ma’am.
A couple of years back, I had a threesome with my boyfriend of the time (and now dear friend), Jordan, and Cozzi, a close friend of mine. (Here’s Jordan’s OnlyFans if you want a little imagery in addition to using your imagination. Here’s Cozzi’s. For what it’s worth, I often call him Horsecock. If you subscribe, you’ll understand why.)
Cozzi, Jordan, and another friend had come over for game night. Cards, Code Names, What Do You Meme, etc. We were drinking as gay men do. I was making dirty martinis and filling up glasses of bourbon to the top. Before that night, I told Jordan that a foursome was on the table. Not guaranteed, but given the group of guys in attendance, a likely possibility. I showed him pics of both guys, and he was very interested in playing.
“God damn, your friends are hot,” he said. I nodded smugly. It’s ridiculous that I felt accomplished for having “hot” friends. It’s not something I purposefully chose, and it has no bearing on me whatsoever, yet for some stupid reason, I felt pride.
When the boys came over, we kiki-ed as the girls do. We blasted music, drank, and played all the games. Mind you, I won every single one. (Not that it matters, but you know...)
I asked the fourth guy about his blossoming relationship. He said they were official now. We all congratulated him. After the felicitations, there was an awkward pause. I asked, “But you guys are open, right?”
“No,” he said. We’re actually monogamous!”
“Well, shit,” I said, unfiltered from my fourth martini. “I was hoping we’d all fuck!”
We all laughed. “I would have loved to,” he said. “Maybe if we ever open up, we can all play!”
(Original photo of Jordan and me by Kevin D. Hoover. Outrageous photoshop by my love, Cozzi.)
Around 2:30 AM, our merrily, monogamous man left, and the three horndogs remained. The moment I shut the door behind him, I said, “Okay, so we need to fuck right now.”
“Oh yeah,” Cozzi said.
“Finally,” Jordan echoed.
We ripped off our shirts and dropped our pants. If there’s one thing I love about gay men, it’s our underwear. I wore a pair of black and white, shark-tooth patterned, bikini-cut briefs. (So it covered my front and behind but left my sides exposed.) Cozzi was wearing a gold jockstrap that made his already perfectly round bubble butt look even juicier—if that were possible. Cozzi is muscular, but he’s still got that nice fat ass with a good jiggle.
Then Jordan dropped his leather pants to reveal a red and black lace thong. His package was so heavy; his thong could barely contain it. His dick was dying to break free and make a full appearance. (For the entirety of our romantic relationship, every time Jordan undressed, I was gobsmacked. I was shocked that the man before me was real. The cum gutters. The six-pack. The ass.)
Cozzi gave me an are-you-fucking-serious look.
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. It’s unreal.”
Cozzi then pulled down Jordan’s thong and my briefs. Immediately, we were both rock-hard. He put Jordan in his mouth and started jacking me off. I gave Cozzi a few seconds to get into the groove and then grabbed Jordan’s ass with one hand and the back of Cozzi’s head with the other. I pushed my hands towards each other, forcing Cozzi to gag on Jordan’s long cock. Cozzi choked and spat up a little saliva.
“I need this dick, too,” I said, pushing Cozzi aside and taking all of Jordan in my mouth. Jordan knew how I liked to get skull-fucked, so he grabbed the sides of my head with both hands and thrusted quickly and repeatedly. I couldn’t help but make that loud, gurgling sound.
Jordan then pushed me onto the bed, and Cozzi straddled me. I started licking Cozzi’s burly chest before making my way up to his lips. He opened his mouth, and our tongues swirled together in unison. Jordan pulled up behind Cozzi and entered him.
Cozzi let out a loud “Uhh” while naturally arching his back. Jordan then lifted Cozzi’s cheeks, pulling them back to expose his hole, and then hit him with deep thrusts. I held Cozzi’s face, looking deep into his eyes as I saw his pain turn to pleasure. “Fuckkkk,” he said.
Cozzi needed a moment to breathe, so I flipped him next to me, put Jordan on his back, and squatted over him.
Illustration by Jason Leviere (@mister_dashing)
“Don’t move,” I told Jordan. All I needed was his hard cock to loosen myself up. I took a deep breath and sat over the tip. I took another as I sat down two inches. Then a final breath as I took the remainder. Jordan was about to thrust, and I stopped him.
“Don’t you dare fucking move,” I said. I sat there for a few seconds, rising and sitting back down, setting the pace and tone. Once ready, I said, “Now you can move.”
Then, the ecstasy began. He started slowly, but I told him harder. As he pounded, I continued to shout, “Deeper!” The man thrusted and thrusted. I loved watching his abs tighten, and the sweat drip down his sternum. Meanwhile, Cozzi watched greedily behind me.
I pushed Jordan out of me and said, “My turn,” as I helped raise his legs behind his head. I grabbed some lube and fingered his hole as Cozzi fingered mine. Before the night, I had never bottomed for Cozzi. I had topped him several times, but I always joked that if I bottomed for him, he’d fall madly in love with me, and we couldn’t have that happening. But that was all a lie. The real reason had to do with this meaty dick. It was fucking huge. It had length. It had girth. It was like a hard block of salami. While I do enjoy bottoming, I fear being impaled. But that night, I was determined. I would take Cozzi’s dick even if it fucking killed me.
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