BOYSLUT with Zachary Zane #14
Social distancing hypocrisy, my first locker room cruise, and straight labels.
This week: Social distancing hypocrisy, my first locker room cruise, and straight labels.
The performative outrage from guys who “call out” people for not social distancing is beginning to drive me slightly nuts. I call their social media “activism” performative because I see these same guys at Riis Beach, mask off, shoulder-to-shoulder in a hoard of men in thongs and Speedos, when just a month earlier, they were calling out FI gays for doing the same thing. It’s the same guys I see drinking and making out with boys at a friend’s birthday party. It’s the same folks claiming they haven’t had sex in six months, but girl, you just sent me a pic of your freshly waxed hole on Grindr and asked, “When can you come over a breed me?” (Ma’am, I just wanted some nudes to jack off to.)
I’d say 95% of people I know in NY have returned to living as usual, relatively. A sizable minority of those folks pretend they’re not—or for some reason, don’t consider what they’re doing to be as “bad” as what others are doing… even though they’re pulling the same shit.
Cases in NY are relatively low and stable, for the moment. (We’ll see what happens when gyms and schools reopen; at that point, we’ll need to reassess.) Personally, at the risk of infuriating the masses, I think it’s OK to start seeing more friends if you live in NY. Of course, still wear your mask when you walk outside. Wash your hands. (I do see people forgetting this. Keep washing them, baby!) If you plan to head home and see your elderly family, I’d recommend quarantining for two weeks and getting COVID tested. If you just flew back from a city that’s currently spiking with COVID cases, quarantine your little booty. If you’re feeling sick, stay home. And so on.
But I’m a man who’s all about harm reduction, and I think it’s clear this “all or nothing” approach to containing COVID-19 has failed. I check Worldometers daily and specifically look at Kings County (Brooklyn) for new daily cases. For the past month, daily cases in BK have hovered at slightly less than 100 new cases a day. There are roughly 2.6 million people living in Brooklyn. That is a .003% chance of contracting COVID each day. (I don’t ever leave Brooklyn.)
I’m okay with the odds, and of course, when I see someone else, let them know that I’ve been in contact with people. After four months of being good at social distancing, I have eased up a bit. If you’re not comfortable with that, I totally understand.
I think what bothers me most about these folks is the hypocrisy (obvi). And then there’s the sense of moral superiority. We also know that shaming folks is not an effective way to discourage behavior. We know this from the height of the AIDS epidemic and abstinence-only education. The Atlantic wrote a great piece about this you can read here.
I’m not saying throw caution to the wind. I’m not recommending you fuck three different strangers a week from Grindr. (Literally, one of the only times I’m not actively recommending this.) But I do request that you hold yourself to the same standard you hold others. I also will continue to question why you shame others. Is it because you believe shaming encourages more social distancing? Do you think it is a useful tool to deter behavior, even though the past six months have made it clear that shaming leads to emboldening problematic behaviors? Or, do you get off on finger-wagging?
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Alright, this week, two exciting pieces!
The first was for InsideHook. I wrote about my first time ever cruising in a locker room sauna. (It’s part of a series of “hot” hookups, so you’ll have to scroll down a little to find what I’ve written.) TBH getting blown in a steam room will probably be the first thing I do once COVID is “over.” (Side note: I’m obsessed with the original artwork they commissioned for the piece.)
My second exciting piece was for Sexplain It. I’m really proud of this one. The guy writing in — “No Homo” — struggles with what to call himself now that his partner has come out as a gay, trans man. Is he gay now that he no longer has a wife but has a husband? If not, what should he call himself? And does asserting his straightness invalidate his partner’s gender identity? SO MUCH TO CONSIDER.
Stay safe. Wear a mask.
Your Fav Boyslut,
Zach