This week: #BiWeek reflections and how to be a better bisexual ally.
How was y’all #BiWeek? Did you feel seen? Heard? Get enough bisexual memes? While #BiWeek may be over, just remember that you can embrace your bisexuality year-round (either publicly or privately)!
This week, I want to give a special shoutout to a friend of mine—he doesn’t know I’m writing this—but I know he’s going to read it. I’m going to call him “J.”
So my timeline was flooded with positivity about bisexuality for #BiWeek, which makes sense; if you replied with some biphobic nonsense on my Twitter, you’d be slaughtered. But this wasn’t the case for everyone, or likely, most folks.
J saw a lot of shit on Instagram and Facebook from gay men, specifically, not quite “getting” bi week. That’s a slight euphemism. These guys were disparaging towards bi folks in their posts and comments.
J reached out to each of these men, messaging, “Hey, here’s why we need #BiWeek and here’s why what you’re saying is messed up.” Then he would send an article I’ve written addressing the specific bisexual question/problem they were having. He didn’t comment on their posts to publicly shame these guys. Instead, he messaged them privately. Each person received a different article depending on whatever they weren’t understanding. J told me that every guy he spoke to responded positively, with something along the lines of: “Oh, I didn’t know that,” or “I didn’t realize that’s what bi men are experiencing.”
People often ask me how to be a better bisexual ally. This is how. J, who is gay, educated himself on the B. When he saw biphobia, especially biphobia rooted in ignorance instead of malice, he took the time to educate these people. He did this by linking directly to bisexual voices.
That’s how it’s done. Take note!
So, thank you, J. I appreciate you.
Some articles from #BiWeek
First and foremost, I worked with J.R. Yussuf—the creator of #BisexualMenSpeak—on an “as told to” for Men’s Health. When I interviewed him, our conversation went differently than I expected, and I really appreciated it.
There has been a huge push for bi folks, especially bi men, to come out. Allegedly, there are two benefits of coming out: the personal and the societal.
The personal benefit of coming out as bi is that you feel free, you’re not living in secret, you can have less shame, and you can openly love, date, and have sex with whomever you want—at least in theory. Then there’s the societal benefit. The more bi folks that come out, the more visibility we have, encouraging other bi folks to come out, which will decrease overall biphobia. We’ll also have a greater bi community, and so on. (In short, there is power in numbers!)
Yussuf argues that for some Black bi men, there are few personal benefits to coming out. Your life will not get better. Rather, you may lose your friends, family, and never be able to find love. The bisexual stigma will follow you for the rest of your life.
So in asking—or rather—demanding Black bi men to come out, you’re in essence forcing them to become martyrs. You’re asking them to potentially ruin their lives for the sake of greater bi visibility. That’s not a fair ask for anyone, let alone an already marginalized community who experiences racism, too.
Bisexual Activist J.R. Yussuf Shares Advice for Other Black Bi Men: Only Come Out if It's Right for You
I also wrote about the history of the bi flag. The bi flag and colors hold a special place in my heart, as I never really felt connected to the rainbow gay pride flag.
Everything to Know About the Bisexual Pride Flag
Last but not least, some of the best bisexual memes on the Internet because why the hell not?
18 Memes That Sum Up What It's Like Being Bisexual
Lastly, you likely saw on Instagram, but just in case you missed it, I am dabbling with the idea of doing MVP/subscription content for BOYSLUT. I would add two sexually explicit stories a month. I was thinking of pricing it at $6.9(9). These would be real-life sexual stories now that I’ve begun having harm-reduced, COVID-safe-ish sex. The poll on Instagram showed more interest than I expected, but if you didn’t vote on the poll, message me or sound off in the comments if you’d be willing to subscribe! (Don’t worry, there will still be a free version with three emails a month!)
Forever your Boyslut,
Zachary Zane