BOYSLUT with Zachary Zane #3
It's Masturbation Month, so let's talk about petting the one-eyed snake and flicking the bean.
This week: “Apocalyptic hornies” fluctuations, the appeal of coronavirus-themed porn, and brutally honest advice about a cheating boyfriend.
My sex drive is weird right now. Sometimes all I can do is masturbate. I jacked off five times in one day a few weeks ago — a new record! Before then, the most I’d ever masturbated in a single day was three times (and that’s happened only a handful of times in my life). I’m more of a once a day or every other day type of man, and when I’m having a lot of sex (which is usually the case ~hair flip~), I find myself masturbating even less.
But other days in quarantine, sex, and subsequently masturbation, is the last thing on my mind. I’m just too exhausted. Come 10 PM I’m under the covers on the verge of passing out.
It makes sense we’d see a fluctuation in our horniness while social distancing. For one, a number of have been masturbating a ton already, and we’re just kind of over it — “masturbation fatigue,” if you will.
Many of us experienced what I previously coined as the “apocalyptic hornies.” I actually wrote about this at the beginning of the pandemic over two months ago. I interviewed Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., and he informed that “Psychologists have actually found that the fear of death can prompt more sexual desire and behavior as a coping mechanism.” He continued, “For example, some studies have found that when people are forced to think about the prospect of their own mortality, they express more interest in casual sex.”
So this existential dread and fear of our own mortality can actually make us hornier. Initially, I think many of us were terrified of death, but now, we’re less scared. We’ve habituated to the fear (of getting COVID-19) and are going about our daily lives (albeit in a different, quarantined manner). So perhaps, masturbation isn’t as appealing.
I also believe that stress can either make us hornier or less horny — changing our masturbation habits. As we all know, masturbation can be a tool to de-stress, relax, and take some much needed “me” time. It’s also something to do when we’re bored and don’t have a social life, which is many of us at the moment. But I feel like when you’re too stressed or exhausted, you become less horny. Masturbation, then, is only appealing with certain types of stress — perhaps ones that are milder to moderate, but not extreme.
The last reason I think many of us initially masturbated more is due to the fact that when you masturbate, you’re focused on sex and only sex. You’re not thinking about what’s going on in the world, unless, of course, you’re watching COVID-19-themed porn… which naturally segues into my next point.
I’ve been watching coronavirus porn. I didn’t’ seek it out. I just ended up down a rabbit hole one day while perusing xnxx.com, and it led to me to some masked hotties and faux-incest. I clicked because why the hell not, and strangely, I really enjoyed it. Like, I finally get the appeal.
Alright, since you didn’t subscribe to my newsletter to hear me talking about me masturbating to bizarre porn (lol, who am I kidding? That’s a solid reason why 80% of you subscribed), let’s talk about Sexplain It this week!
I’ve been trying to answer more “out-there” questions — not the same questions you read often in sex advice columns. However, if I’m to answer a more standard question, I’m going to make sure that I’m thinking about it differently. I want to take a goddamn stance; I did so this week when I told the questioner, point-plank, that I think his boyfriend of six years is cheating on him with his photographer. Now I don’t think cheating needs to end a relationship. Of course, plenty of couples work through acts of infidelity. Nevertheless, that’s a choice each person (and couple) needs to make for themselves.
Oh, by the way, it’s Masturbation Month. I totally forgot that was the reason why I wanted to talk about jerking off. I buried the lede with that, so my apologies. But yeah, get back to masturbating! Switch up your positions. Watch different types of porn. Edge yourself. Drink a ton of water and try to squirt. Buy some goddamn sex toys. Do whatever you need to do to break past masturbation fatigue and get back to lovin’ yourself. Hop to it!