BOYSLUT with Zachary Zane #9
When the sex advice columnist needs relationship advice, what does he do?
Can I tell you a secret?
The thing I work hardest on these days is my sex advice column at Men’s Health. Well, that isn’t the secret. The secret is that when I’m struggling with something relationship-wise in my personal life, I actually submit a question to Sexplain It. (Here’s the Google form if you want to submit a question BTW!)
Now I’m the only one who has access to all the questions folks submit to (hopefully) be answered in Sexplain It. Not even my editor has access. (Of course, only a fraction of the questions I receive I’m able to answer in my column.)
Don’t worry, I don’t answer my own questions. That would be ridiculous if I started a sex column and then proceeded to solely advise myself.
Nevertheless, I do this for a few reasons:
1.) After I write out and submit my question, I (semi-)successfully put it out of my mind, no longer obsessing over the issue. I know I will address it — with some much-needed distance — in a few days when I read my question in the Google form.
2.) In a similar vein, I’ve noticed that when I don’t write it down, I keep on trying to solve the issue in my head but don’t get very far because I keep thinking in circles.
3.) I’m in a specific, problem-solving headspace when I open the Google form. When I sit down to read all the questions I’ve received that week, I put on my sex advice columnist hat. Needless to say, when I’m in “Zach sex advice-giver extraordinaire” mode, I give my best advice. This includes to me.
As we’re all aware, there’s been a lot going on these past few months, so I haven’t had the opportunity to share some more recent Sexplain It columns I’m particularly proud of. Here they are:
My Girlfriend Was Great in Quarantine. With Lockdown Ending, I'm Ready to Dump Her.
Dear Sexplain It,
I had been very casually seeing this woman for about a month before the pandemic (I think there were four dates, and we started having sex on the second). When everything shut down due to COVID-19, she asked me to be exclusive. Even though I didn't really see us going anywhere long-term, I agreed, because I figured I wouldn't be able to date or see anyone else during this time. So, might as well, ya know? It would be nice to have someone around while the world goes to shit.
She ended up spending a lot of time at my place. We supported each other when things got tough, we had a lot of solid sex, but the whole time she thought we were building our relationship, I was getting more and more guilty about using her. Now she really likes me and is excited about finally introducing me to her friends IRL. Meanwhile, now that things are opening up again, I just want to be done with her.
I feel bad for using her to help get me through this tough time and then suddenly disposing of her. Am I an asshole for breaking up with her now that the world is opening up?
— COVID Cuffing
Sexplain It: My Partner Is 35 Years Older Than Me, and I'm Worried That Makes Him a Creep
Dear Sexplain It,
I'm a 22-year-old gay man, and I've been happily dating my boyfriend for 11 months. I'm in love with him. He's kind, smart, funny, and the sex is great. (He made losing my virginity a not-totally-awkward experience!)
The problem is, I'm constantly judged for being with him. He's 57 years old—making us 35 years apart—and also happens to be wealthy. He takes me on nice vacations and pays for my dinners. Whenever my parents find out I'm still dating him, they go off about what a "predator" he is. I try to ignore what they say and focus on our relationship, but it's getting tougher, and I'm starting to worry they may be right. He treats me with respect, and I feel very autonomous in the relationship, but why would a man who’s older than my father seek out much younger men? Can our relationship possibly be healthy?
— Daddy Issues
Should I Give Up on Finding Love Because of My Small Penis?
Dear Sexplain it,
I am a 43-year-old heterosexual Black man who’s never been married and has no children. I also have a smaller than average penis, though it’s not a micropenis. It's around 5 inches long and on the thinner side.
My penis size has caused very real problems in every relationship I've had. Many times my partner couldn't even tell if I've penetrated them or not. The therapist of one woman I dated encouraged her to tell me that my penis size (and sex) was an issue. So it’s really hurt my quality of life.
Not too long ago, I have had a couple of experiences with women who were tighter/smaller, and sex felt great for the first time in years. So my question is: Should I be patient and find a woman that I can connect with in all the ways I would like or give up on the sexual satisfaction component of a relationship?
— Looking For The Right Fit
P.S.
Please excuse the lack of Boyslut last week. A bitch gets busy! I think at this point I’m aiming for three a month. Hopefully, absence will make the heart grow fonder.
xoxo,
Zach