I know I’ve been slacking on my newsletter, but I have a valid excuse: I got COVID. I’m finally done with my two-week quarantine as of today. (I’m writing this on Friday.) Let me tell you something, it has been the goddamn worst. I still have a few lingering symptoms, even though I’m no longer contagious. I had a fever, sore throat, cough, muscle pain, fatigue, nausea—all that good stuff. I did, however, keep my sense of smell and taste. Folks seem to be really interested if I lost my olfactory sense, and TBH, I’m not sure why. It was the least of my concerns.
I really struggled being sick for so long. Work kept piling up, and it’s going to take another couple of weeks to catch up. But more than that, I felt so ashamed. It’s wild because I live the rest of my life without shame, particularly my sexual life. And I seldom feel shame for something I do. I feel guilty when I make a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings, but I never feel shame. I never think I’m a bad person.
I felt shame getting COVID because I done fucked up. I know the night I got it and luckily quarantined myself directly after as to keep others safe. But that night I was stupid. I got drunk and went out when I shouldn’t have. A few things led up to why exactly I went out and how I ended up stranded, but at the end of the day, I have no one but myself to blame.
I had been really good—alright, decent—up until this point, but after almost a year of the pandemic, I had a lapse of judgment. I’ve really struggled to deal with the mistake I made even though I understand why I made it. I’m fucking tired of being cooped up and slowly losing my mind like everyone else, but I’m not special. I shouldn’t have done what I did. And I’m paying for it now.
I’m just glad that I did what I promised I would do if I got COVID: Do everything in my power to keep others from being infected. I stayed the fuck home. Luckily, there is a silver lining—I can now see my family. My parents and grandma are getting their second dose of the vaccine in a week, and I’ll have antibodies, so come March, I can see them. I haven’t been home to Los Angeles since 2019, and I’d really like to give my mom a hug.
Anyway, I just wanted to share why I’ve been slacking and to give you a heads up that it may be a few more weeks until I can give you some raunchy content. First, I need to catch up on my paying gigs, but I also need to start feeling sexual again. My libido has been particularly low with COVID—no surprise there—but when I’m not my usual horny self, it’s tough to write first-person erotica.
Stay safe out there. You don’t want to get this.
Miss and love you all!
Your Boyslut,
Zachary Zane
You comin to LA?
Yo baby boy don’t worry it happens. My number two man in Spain got Covid the same way. I had just returned from Spain when the lockdown happened here in New York. We had planned to see each other last summer. But you know what happened. I was supposed to come in August on his birthday. But when it was his birthday I wasn’t there. For some crazy reason the clubs were open in Malaga. He went out danced with the Bears and Got laid twice. He was coughing as he told me about his escapades. I was like, you got Covid. And I was right. Apparently he got Covid at the disco. None of the guys he slept with had Covid because he told them and told him to go get tested. Being that he’s a good Catholic boy He was filled with shame. Not about getting laid but getting Covid. We should never blame ourselves for being human. And we should definitely not blame ourselves for viruses that don’t know we’re human but depend on us being very human. The good news is that you’re alive and you have lived to tell. In the end my lover in Spain said wow I just had Covid..Now I understand a little bit about what it’s like to have HIV. There is wisdom in living. Harm no one and have no regrets.