She Accidentally Slid Into My DMs. Hours Later, We Were Sucking Each Other's Cocks While Her Husband Watched
Best accidental DM ever.
Original illustration by Eduardo.
I receive about twenty sexual solicitations in my Insta DMs daily, and while I’d love to have sex with every single one of you, alas, I am only one man…with one penis, mouth, and tight hole.
That’s not to say you should stop messaging me—I love all the compliments and nudes—it just means I can’t respond to everyone. However, occasionally, someone sends me a message so unique that I have to respond.
Exhibit A: Kanya
Her Twitter revealed that she was top 1% on OnlyFans…it also revealed that she had a giant cock, and loved slapping men’s faces with it.
Naturally, I invited her over. It was her last day visiting NY, so our rendezvous had to take place evening. I quickly canceled my plans with my friend (sorry, not sorry). She then told me (three times) not to shave. It almost made me want to shave, to be in bratty defiance, but I resisted the urge.
Right before coming over, she asked if her husband could join because she didn’t want him to wait in the car. Honestly, it was a little sketchy to bring him up last minute. Also, like, is he your puppy? Why couldn’t he stay at the hotel for all of 45 minutes or busy himself with literally anything? Why would he be waiting in the car? Would you leave the windows cracked for him? Does he need a little bowl of water in case he overheats?
Whatever, she was smokin’, and he was cute (and bi), so I said she could bring her husband along.
They entered the apartment together, holding hands, dressed to the nines. She wore a leather mini skirt over her black see-through body suit, and her nipples were covered with black pasties. He wore a navy suit. Clearly, I was a pit stop on the way to whatever NY extravaganza they had planned. Great, I wouldn’t have to entertain them after we had sex and could resume my regular evening schedule of getting stoned and watching adult cartoons.
When they walked in, it was…awkward—more awkward than it should have been, considering we had previously discussed what we were going to do. They hugged me the same way a child who openly dislikes the smell of the elderly hugs their great-grandmother. I went to kiss Kanya on the cheek, and my lips landed on her temple. When I welcomed them, they remained planted in the entrance to my apartment; her husband was glued to her side, mute.
I started doubting myself. Was I not what they were expecting? Were they having second thoughts? I couldn’t have done anything wrong yet because they had been in my apartment for all of 60 seconds, but fuck, it was uncomfortable.
I grabbed their coats and asked if they’d like anything to drink. They both asked for water.
“So what do you have in store for the evening unless you got all dressed up for me.”
“No,” her husband said. “We are seeing a show after.”
“Okay,” I replied. Jesus, this man was giving me nothing to work with. I turned my attention towards Kanya. “What has been the best part of NY so far?”
Kayna, God bless her, smiled and began talking about the number of sex parties they’d both attended and how, despite being worldly travelers, they hadn’t been to sex parties quite as opulent as the ones they attended in NY.
She then laughed, saying how funny it was she confused me with another man.
“All us hairy boys look the same,” I joked.
“I love hairy men.” Her tone suddenly got very serious. I guess her love of the hirsute is no laughing matter.
I felt like now was as good of any time to get the ball rolling, so I leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes and puckered her fillered DSL. I caressed the small of her back, bringing her close. She opened her mouth and out peeped her tongue, eager to dance with mine. We kissed for a few seconds before we broke apart. She smiled at me and then looked at her husband, trying to gauge his response.
That man was not a puppy but a cinder block—emotionless and unreadable. When I asked if we should head to the bedroom, Kanya replied, “Let’s go.”
She and I quickly stripped down, me to my bikini briefs and her to her black thong. Her breasts were now fully out, only covered by tiny black pasties. Her husband sat on the end of the bed in his Dad boxers.
She began rubbing her fingers down my hairy chest. Periodically, she’d grab a tuft of hair and pull, causing slight, delicious pain.
“Were you surprised I didn’t want you to shave?” she asked.
“Not really. A lot of people like the hair.”
“But most women don’t, right?”
“Well, not the women who want to fuck me.”
I saw her dick poking through her panties. “Can I suck?” I knew from watching her Twitter videos she liked using her dick. She destroyed men’s assholes with it. Rammed it down their throats. Mollywopped em. She did it all and dominantly. But, of course, I still wanted to ask. I didn’t in any way to surprise or trigger her.
She removed her panties and let her dick flop out, slapping against my stomach. “Suck it,” she commanded. I rearranged myself to be on all fours to suck her off. I worked my magic, opening my mouth. She leaned back and started thrusting. With my free hand, I went to grab her husband. I was now in cock Goblin mode and needed all the dicks.
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