What to Do in a Threesome (Without Biting Their Leg)

301 threesome content for folks who know how to communicate and have already worked through their insecurities.

When I shared this image of Bubbles chomping on HIM’s calve with the caption, “me in a threesome not knowing what to do,” I didn’t think that many people would resonate with the meme. 

(Meme from @hoegivesnofucks.)

I was wrong. A wave of “OMG, that’s me!” replies flooded my DMs making one thing clear: Many of us feel awkward not actively participating in a threesome. So awkward we feel the need to bite someone’s shin. 

Now I’ve written about “how to have a threesome” before, but since those articles were for larger magazines, I had to write introductory content. I’m not going to do this here. I’m going to assume you’ve communicated your expectations and boundaries with your partners prior and aren’t getting jealous because you’re not feeling included in the threesome.  

I’m assuming that you know everything isn’t always about you, and at times, the two other people may share intimate moments where your presence is, momentarily, superfluous. That doesn’t mean they don't want you there. It doesn’t mean they don’t find you attractive. They’re simply creating a sexual moment together that doesn’t involve you. 

(If you struggle with jealousy and insecurities during threesomes, read this how-to article by Gabrielle Smith. If you want to read a little bit more about Devil’s Threesomes, specifically MFM threesomes, check out this article. If you just want to read a hot threesome story, head here, here, or here.) 

With that out of the way, I want to provide some more advanced content for folks who have experience with threesomes but aren’t sure how to navigate awkward moments. First, I’ll provide some tips to help you avoid awkward moments of non-inclusion. Then, I’ll move into tips for how to behave when you don’t feel included.

How to avoid exclusion altogether:

Of course, there will be moments when two people are connecting without you. While those times are allowed, you still want to keep those instances to a minimum. If only the two of you want to have sex, then don’t bring in a third… That said, here are some tips to keep everyone actively involved in the threesome.

Start in sexual positions that transitions easily to threesome positions. 

Some positions make it a lot easier to transition into threesomes. If you start in doggy style, you can easily add a third person, and bam, you have a spit-roast. Or there are some fun ways to transition from two to three people with cowgirl. Whereas if you’re in missionary and kissing your partner, where does the third person go? (I mean, I can think of a few positions, but they’re not as intuitive and assume that everyone in the threesome is vers.) 

Take some ED medication. 

I am a huge fan of ED medication. I don’t typically use them when having one-on-one sex, but if there’s more than one person or I’m performing in front of an audience, I take one. It’s just so frustrating to struggle to get or sustain an erection in the middle of a threesome. I want to be able to fuck. I don’t want to deal with my nerves and the “Do you think you’ll be able to get hard?” or “It’s okay; don’t worry about it!” 

Right now, I use Rugiet, a new form of sublingual ED medication. It works much faster than regular viagra, which is why I’m a fan of it. (I wrote about it here if you’re interested in learning more.)  

If you’re a bi person, opt for MMFs or FFMs (not MFMs of FMFs). 

I know this is a little niche, but it’s something I recently realized. I’ve had MFMs threesomes before, and I absolutely loved them. But recently, when I’ve had an MFM with a straight man and woman, it feels weird because I’m not sure how gay I can be. Can our penises touch? Can I touch his chest? Is a gentle kiss okay? As of late, I’ve been in my head during MFM threesomes, especially if the guy is hot and I want to suck his dick. So, right now, I’m only doing bi MMFs, so everyone can play with everyone. It’s easier and hotter that way. There’s also less ambiguity about what I can do.  

Don’t be greedy.

I know this is obvious, but in the heat of the moment, we’re not thinking the most logically. Don’t be greedy! Sharing is caring. If you’re fucking someone for five minutes straight in missionary, take a goddamn break to let your partner join. Say, “I need a break; can ya swap in with me?” Or better yet, you can say, “Come here! I want to switch to a position with you in it.” 

For when you’re not feeling (as) included: 

Find the right distance apart.

When you’re physically very close to the two people having sex but not touching them, your presence is felt—and not in a good way. You want to create a little bit of physical space so they can have their moment and they’re not in their heads trying to think of the best way to include you. 

This doesn’t mean you move to the otherwise of the bed; it just means you move far enough away to make it clear you are giving them space, physically and metaphorically, to have a moment.

Have your sex toy handy. 

There’s something more active when using a sex toy. For example, when a partner is using a clit sucker while she’s watching me get railed by a dude, I’m less worried about including her. Clearly, she’s enjoying the show while doing her own thing. Similarly, when a guy has a male masturbator or is sitting on a dildo while watching, I know he’s okay not being as overtly included for a moment. 

You also feel like a more integral member of the scene when you’re using a sex toy, even though you’re not actually touching your partners.

“Fuck, this is so hot. I want to watch you two for a moment.” 

Just say this! That way, it’s clear that you aren’t being pouty in the corner. It’s clear nothing is wrong. It’s hot to watch people have sex. Period! Why do you think we watch porn? And you’re getting a goddamn private show. Enjoy it. Not to mention it’s arousing knowing that you are being watched, so you’re amplifying your partners' exhibition pleasure by directly stating that you’re going to take a break and watch them.

In Cumclusion… 

While there will be times when you’re not as included in the threesome, it doesn’t have to be awkward. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. So breathe and enjoy the show. When some time has passed, and you’re ready to get back involved, simply ask to join. 

Oh, and if you are a bisexual MF couple looking for a dragon, please DM me.